So hubby has been remodeling the girls' bathroom for awhile now, and I was reminded of something our church family did a few years back when our worship center was remodeled- writing scripture on the foundation before the new floor was laid. So, I told the girls to have at it, and was interesting to see what which ones they chose...they filled the entire floor!
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Some of Audrey An's...
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Some of Abigail's...
So, aside from of the "fluff" (good fluff albeight) from last post here are some thoughts that have been swirling in my mind this past month. Time to get to the nitty gritty. First, I'm extremely thankful I asked my sweet Abigail to join me in a ladies' bible study, and she said yes! A little meaty for an 11 year old, but not too young to start bringing her to things like this as a special mommy/daughter time! We're going through Priscilla Shirer's new study about Gideon: Your Weakness, God's Strength. Wow...got a lot of that going on right now! She's missed a couple of times because of her camps, and she was even sad to miss! I told her I wanted her to join me for several reasons: 1. to hopefully, learn something, of course 2. to be around other women in our church who are seeking to dig deeper (and hopefully retain some of the widsom!) 3. to hang with her super cool mom (ha!).
Ok, so who really wants to post pictures on one's blog or facebook with you lookin' all nasty in one's "fat clothes", hair that needs to be cut and highlighted (again), bathroom in middle of remodel, me yelling at phone bc I'm sick and tired of spam callers and/or insurance and doctors, David riding scooters during a rehearsal and I'm embarrassed (ok, well, actually lots of people might want to see that one!), me standing in long lines at the post office to mail immigration forms in order to get one step closer to ADB- seriously. No, of course not. We want to post all the pretty pictures. I read a quote this week from Ann Voskamp's blog that was so powerful to me..."I can want the pretty of Pinterest- but the only way to get to the beauty of godliness is to wrestle with the ugliness of sin." Wow...just wow. Is that as powerful to you is it is to me? It's not a new thought to me, but it just struck me yesterday in a different way.
I've shared with a small group of prayer warriors in my life (and the little "red guy"- aka devil- has tried and tried to persuade me to NOT share prayer requests) that I'm in a mind game battle as much as I am a physical battle. Scripture says in Ephesians 6:12, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." This small group is all keenly aware that ALL of our lives were about to or could get "worse" because of a situation/opportunity in which we are committed to praying. Yep, and we're all struggling...with lots of things! Satan doesn't want Light to come into darkness, and he'll throw everything at us to discourage us. For me right now...my health and our adoption are my sticking points, and he knows it.
I know that not every "battle" in life is spiritual warfare- but I think as Christians we discount how strong it can be at times. Every single lady in which I'm speaking above is in the midst of major life issues, and we are all earnestly seeking God's direction for our lives and each others lives. Guess who that makes just slap silly ticked off!?! Since I can't blog about them I'll tell you what's happening with me. 1. THE DAY after I shared my testimony (and both girls shared a bit, too!) of how God has/is sustaining me, leading me, healing me I had my next infusion. Guess what? I had super duper bad reaction like I'd never had before (was suppose to probably be my last one, too). 2. Doctor calls for new brand of infusion, but due to insurance etc I was delayed over a week. 3. In the midst of all this I begin chiropractic care and have horrible "side effects" from this. David and I continue to pray and wonder whether to continue down this path of treatment (has sounded a bit "ying-yangy" to me for quite awhile but it keeps creeping up and would like to pursue to it if will provide long term healing. Anyone familiar with "set backs or retracing"...give me a buzz! It sounds really odd but makes sense all at the same time). 4. Get word that ADB's file is at local civil affairs office and will make it to central database in about a month. 5. Get notification that our immigration paperwork has been received. 6. Return to doc to find out CPK has increased to 7000 (whaaaaat???) 7. Grieving selfishly that I have to be super careful in the sun and can't exactly have my normal summers. 8. Throw in some (no, a lot) of major frustration, insecurity, increased weakness, foggy brain and I've been a hot mess for the past few weeks! 9. Making some drastic dietary changes. 10. Bought new praise cd and just wept like a baby to one of the songs because it made me think about ADB and how God will never leave us (him)...which led to one of the most tender impromptu prayer times with my sweet girls we've probably ever had. All three of us were crying. (to quote AA..." God thank you so much for my new family. Thank you that you put me in this family so I could know about Jesus. I think that ADB will be in our family." Probably a good
thing daddy-o was on a trip that day or it would have way too much
progesterone for him at once! 11. Homestudy completed (if you've never adopted...your home study is very invasive! They know all your business. We've got a great agency this fo around and are so thankful but it's invasive...just sayin') 12. More but I can't remember them all! You see...not all these thing I'm listing are bad things. They are things in the LIGHT, and when you're in the Light and bring others into the Light, darkness wants to cover you up and down!
A few passages that have encouraged me lately:
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord: I wait for God my Savior: my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
Ok, so who really wants to post pictures on one's blog or facebook with you lookin' all nasty in one's "fat clothes", hair that needs to be cut and highlighted (again), bathroom in middle of remodel, me yelling at phone bc I'm sick and tired of spam callers and/or insurance and doctors, David riding scooters during a rehearsal and I'm embarrassed (ok, well, actually lots of people might want to see that one!), me standing in long lines at the post office to mail immigration forms in order to get one step closer to ADB- seriously. No, of course not. We want to post all the pretty pictures. I read a quote this week from Ann Voskamp's blog that was so powerful to me..."I can want the pretty of Pinterest- but the only way to get to the beauty of godliness is to wrestle with the ugliness of sin." Wow...just wow. Is that as powerful to you is it is to me? It's not a new thought to me, but it just struck me yesterday in a different way.
I've shared with a small group of prayer warriors in my life (and the little "red guy"- aka devil- has tried and tried to persuade me to NOT share prayer requests) that I'm in a mind game battle as much as I am a physical battle. Scripture says in Ephesians 6:12, "For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places." This small group is all keenly aware that ALL of our lives were about to or could get "worse" because of a situation/opportunity in which we are committed to praying. Yep, and we're all struggling...with lots of things! Satan doesn't want Light to come into darkness, and he'll throw everything at us to discourage us. For me right now...my health and our adoption are my sticking points, and he knows it.
I know that not every "battle" in life is spiritual warfare- but I think as Christians we discount how strong it can be at times. Every single lady in which I'm speaking above is in the midst of major life issues, and we are all earnestly seeking God's direction for our lives and each others lives. Guess who that makes just slap silly ticked off!?! Since I can't blog about them I'll tell you what's happening with me. 1. THE DAY after I shared my testimony (and both girls shared a bit, too!) of how God has/is sustaining me, leading me, healing me I had my next infusion. Guess what? I had super duper bad reaction like I'd never had before (was suppose to probably be my last one, too). 2. Doctor calls for new brand of infusion, but due to insurance etc I was delayed over a week. 3. In the midst of all this I begin chiropractic care and have horrible "side effects" from this. David and I continue to pray and wonder whether to continue down this path of treatment (has sounded a bit "ying-yangy" to me for quite awhile but it keeps creeping up and would like to pursue to it if will provide long term healing. Anyone familiar with "set backs or retracing"...give me a buzz! It sounds really odd but makes sense all at the same time). 4. Get word that ADB's file is at local civil affairs office and will make it to central database in about a month. 5. Get notification that our immigration paperwork has been received. 6. Return to doc to find out CPK has increased to 7000 (whaaaaat???) 7. Grieving selfishly that I have to be super careful in the sun and can't exactly have my normal summers. 8. Throw in some (no, a lot) of major frustration, insecurity, increased weakness, foggy brain and I've been a hot mess for the past few weeks! 9. Making some drastic dietary changes. 10. Bought new praise cd and just wept like a baby to one of the songs because it made me think about ADB and how God will never leave us (him)...which led to one of the most tender impromptu prayer times with my sweet girls we've probably ever had. All three of us were crying. (to quote AA..." God thank you so much for my new family. Thank you that you put me in this family so I could know about Jesus. I think that ADB will be in our family."
A few passages that have encouraged me lately:
"But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord: I wait for God my Savior: my God will hear me." Micah 7:7
“The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine on you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face toward you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26
"I will sacrifice a thank offering to you and call on the name of the Lord." Psalm 116:17
" The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14 (one of AA's favorite verses she memorized at school this year and is now written on her bathroom floor!)
Last night I "wrestled" with God. David and I wrestled together-we really wrestled. (We're getting kind of good at that! lol). But when I woke this morning I had a peace about some things and God has been gracious to me- not only today. He's set my spirits in a different place. For that, I'm thankful.
In the Gideon study Abigail and I are doing, Priscilla gives a great illustration in week 2 or 3 about her and her son building Lego towers. She says her son will build and build then leave the room for 2-3 minutes then come back and start a new tower. Leave for 2-3 minutes then come back and start a new tower. She states the completely frustrates her because he already has the FOUNDATION to CONTINUE to build his tower...why start over each time!? Isn't that a great parallel to our christian walk of faith. Love that. We do NOT have to start over each time we wrestle. We (I) must continue to BUILD from the foundation Jesus Christ has already begun in me.
I'm not the same. I will not be the same. My family will not be the same. We will be changed. I am not going through this to come out on the other side unchanged- what a waste. He wants to change something in me...in my family. This is not only a physical battle but a spiritual battle.
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