Weekend of Celebrations!

 May 29 we celebrate 12 years of marriage and the next day, this hunky monkey husband of mine turns....ummmmm, a very "special number" on this birthday!

I don't think either of us ever imagined what God had in store for us when we said, "I promise"! David, I love you more today than the day I married you.  I treasure that day, and I treasure our covenant.  I treasure you and all of our endless talks.  I remember when we first started dating that's one of the many things that I adored about you.  We sat and talked about everything under the sun, debated about everything under the sun, and solved tried to solve all the worlds problems!  I love sharing our dreams and fears, adventures, lessons learned, hard times, great times, funny times, raising and training our daughters together, following you 1/2 way around the world with your career path, sharpening you, and you sharpening me.  I'm so thankful we actually like to run errands together and do goofy things together like yell "banana" at the locals here (and they think we're saying something in their language!).  I love that in this season of our lives those "errands" are on a motor bike with four people on it!   I love that we're a team and that we make decisions together.  We've experienced joys, death, tragedy, career changes, moving states, moving countries, sickness and health.  We've been privileged enough to experience the miracle of birth through natural means and through the miracle of physical adoption plus witness the spiritual adoption of both of our precious daughters-what blessings!  Thank you for your patience, support, prayers, humor, spontaneity, leadership and unconditional love.  Thank you for sticking with me and holding my hand especially these past few months in this very unexpected illness.  You are a great husband, and you are a great daddy to both of our girls!  It's hard to imagine how different our lives when we first met.  Same dreams, different careers, different cities, different countries, no kids, family business at the time, etc.  WOW, has God changed and ordered our steps...together!

Remember this song: "Tell Him" ? Well, actually, you may not because it's the song that my sister sent to me while we were dating (and I played in private many, many times...hee hee) when she kept hearing me talk about this "really great guy and I think I really like him!, but I was bit too shy to give you my heart quite yet!   Well, I finally told you and let you into my little world...and I gave you my heart, finally.  I'm glad you chased me, and I'm glad you chased pretty long and hard!  Bless your lovin' heart....you were so patient!  I love that you are a renaissance man.  I loved that I always knew where you stood each time you took me out on a date.  You were so polite and asked, "may I take you out again?....such a gentleman!   I can't imagine my life without you. THANK YOU, for still asking me out on dates, and thank you for surprising me with an anniversary dinner and arranged childcare with Jill and Jason without me even knowing it! Looking forward to a nite out on the town tonight with you!  I might even wear heels on the motorbike : )

Happy Anniversary today and Happy Birthday tomorrow to my favorite man in the world.... I love you so much!  I'm sorry you're on a 28 hour flight on your special birthday though!  I'm so thankful you get to make a quick trip back -even though it's for training- because you've been blessed to have a career that you love!  I love you, sweetie, and I can't imagine a better match for me.  God knew what he was doing, don't ya think : ) 

Okay, so sorry if I've completely embarrassed you , but you know me....I like to have the details recorded.  It one of the reasons you love me , right?!?!?!

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.   Love never fails."   

OH, how I have laughed and cried over this picture through the years.  This is the ONLY full length picture taken of just us at our wedding (thanks to a quick snapshot my best friend took as we were about to leave our reception!).  Our professional photographer forgot that one....boo hoo!  Kristina, at least you got this one for the record books!

 

SUCH gratefulness!

It's hard for me to believe I've not updated in a week.  I think I've just had sooooo much to say I don't know even know where to begin!  I guess a great place to start is with all the many blessings from the past week!  This verse from Romans pretty much sums up my heart and thoughts...."May the God of hope FILL you with JOY and PEACE as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." 


*My heart is just overflowing with gratitude for increased physical strength, emotional encouragement and decreased pain that only comes from my Great Physician!  Yes, medicines, physicians, nurses, physical therapists have ALL aided in this, but ultimately my healing is from the Lord!
*I had enough energy to attend a couple hours of a ladies conference on Saturday- to be able to have the privilege of being able to sit back and be in awe with a room full of women from AROUND THE WORLD as we were reminded of the "worth of a woman"  even in different cultures and backgrounds.  We are all so uniquely created but intimately created by one incredible ROYAL KING.  We are not commoners (okay, maybe more on that in another post!)!
*Our local Sunday fellowship prayed for not not only me but my family... what a blessed time of hope and encouragement!
*Our new "helper" has been such a blessing...providing wonderful meals and fitting in nicely with our family!
*HIS timing of my baby steps of improvement correlating with David having to return to states for his checkride...perfect!
*Completed my "Jonah" study on my own, but was able to attend the last session with my small group! (Doreen- remember my little angel from my first weeks of illness!?!?- came and picked me up for study, too!)
*Dinner provided on Sunday by our friends, Gregg and Matt....thank you!
*Dr. Nathalie remains a constant source of encouragement, wisdom and help to me!  CPK number increased to 2006 this week (elevated from 1418 last week) but liver/kidney function numbers continue to decrease and overall I'm stable. Again, it seems I can't correlate this crazy number with how I'm feeling....so weird.
*Abigail and Audrey An have worked so hard on school the past two weeks!
*My heart/attitude toward school has just drastically changed the past two weeks....I've been actually able to enjoy it with my girls!  I see such a sense of accomplishment in both of them.  GREAT job, girls!
*Learning new exercises from physical therapist to improve slowly regain muscular strength!
*Continued to be blessed by expats who have been sensitive to my family's needs by providing tangible blessings and prayers!
*Skyped with my 94 year old grandmother....how cool is technology!
*Both girls were able to skype and be encouraged by friends/family back home this week!
*Most of all... I see a closeness in my family I've not ever seen before (and we've always been pretty tight!!!).  I praise God the lessons He is teaching us about trust, dependance, love, patience and an understanding that "HIS ways are not our ways" at all times.  One of my many prayers for my girls since before they were born has been "to love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength."

Like I said, my heart is just so full with thankfulness these past 9-10 days....I feel like I'm going to burst!  I know I still have a lot of healing ahead of me and muscle mass/strength to regain, but when I look back to 3 months ago when my symptoms began (and even just two weeks ago when I felt such discouragement and despair) I can't help but do a happy dance!  There were some days I looked into David's eyes with such fear and pain.  I just didn't know how I was almost going to take my next breath or walk my next step...truly.  Some days I kept that to myself because I didn't want to scare even my own husband.  PTL...for HE is doing great and mighty things!

Hard to believe this picture was taken when we first arrived!  I can't ever get enough pics of smiles and kisses!   Our girls sooooo have their daddy wrapped around their little fingers...

...and hard to imagine we had NO IDEA what was in store in the next few months as David received his "wings" at his special ceremony! (sometimes it's just best, ya know!).  Still so grateful for the opportunity and privilege to be here!

and....I can't wait to have the physical strength to do this again!

You know you have a great husband when...

He tears up WITH you due to me rejoicing that I have the ability to wash my hair for the first time in 3 months!  Well, I mean...yes, my hair has been washed many times in 3 months (!), but me, myself and I haven't been able to raise my arms and lather it up in 3 months.  David has lovingly washed and rinsed my hair for....a few too many times than I am quite sure he desired.  Thank you, baby.  I love you so much!  You do give a great head massage (and you're a pretty good fork lift, too!).

The past couple of days have been a huge turning point for me.  Tonight, I can't stop tearing up (I know...shock, schock!).  It's from complete thankfulness though.. God has turned my mourning into dancing!  Tuesday was the first day I have been able to see and feel some improvements in my pain level and some renewed strength since this disease has attacked me.  Yes, it's baby steps, but they're steps.  Maybe I'm to the point of moving forward and no more status quo or regression.  OH, I can't tell you how blessed I feel!  When I think back to just last Friday nite when I was so incredibly discouraged to today....it's just amazing.  A.M.A..Z.I.N.G.

So...while Abs was at a playdate with her sweet friend, Brittany, here's where AA, David and I went for an early dinner and....

dessert (yummo!)...coconut filled with coconut ice cream, peanuts, and dried fruit.  Do you think we only ordered one????  Ummm, NO!

This afternoon my handsome motorbike driver and two other beautiful traveling companions hopped on the the bike and we went for a little drive to get momma bear out of her four walled "den".  It was great...just what the doctor ordered!  Of course, we went back for ice cream...just tried out a new cafe that was next door to the coconut place from Tuesday.

 Wow...just don't even know where to start with the blessing of this week!
*Abigail's heart has been encouraged with skype calls and emails from back home, playdate/dinner with Brittany!  Thank you, Ann, Russel & Brittany!

*We probably had one of our best school weeks since my illness began.  Both girls were just rockin' and rollin'...yahoo!!!!!  Abigail is just about finished with her work (which is completely amazing to me...SHE is amazing!!!). Audrey An has made some remarkable strides in her work- especially math.  WOW...so impressed.  It's great to begin to really see how her mind is computing things.  She's actually doing quite a bit of first grade math...she couldn't speak a LICK of english 24 months ago!

*My sweet friend, Julie, has blessed us not only once, but twice this week with meals!  Yes, this is my friend who has been ill herself, just a had a baby and has to take a taxi to our place in order to be so thoughtful.  THANK YOU, Julie....what a help and encouragement you've been this week!  Of course, my girls lovve playing with Carly and Kayla!

*My friend, Nancy, referred me to a name/number of a possible helper/cook.  I interviewed her yesterday and we agreed on a trial period.  David and I were quite pleased with her so maybe this will be the answer to our need in that area!  She spoke fairly good english, cooked us two western meals today (which were awesome!), and had a very kind disposition.  We'll see how this works out!  Honestly, this is soooo bizarro for me!  I can't imagine having someone come into my house to be a 'helper" for my family.  I'm so independent.  I like having control of my little domain, and I certainly don't feel comfortable with someone just watching every move I make in this tiny apartment while they cut, chop, and prepare meals for me while I do school with the girls...weird!  I guess I might want to get used to it because it will be a blessing to to take a load off of David (and even the girls) with meal preparation and market runs.  I guess I should sit back and enjoy!?!?  It truly is a time in my life that I physically need someone else to work my domain!  Well, let's say I have another adopted daughter....this one for only a season though.

*I have had a litttttttle bit better sleep this week (after begging for more help in that area!)....SURELY taking 2 kinds of  "that" medicine would knock me out????  Well, not exactly knock me out, but you know I was excited about SOME sleep when I texted David Tuesday morning on his trip and said, "I slept from 12:30-5:30...like without waking up!!!"

*Girls have been invited to a slumber party this weekend.  Can we say, "EXCITED!?!?"  They are beyond thrilled, and I have to say I'm kind looking forward to a nite by myself to rest, not have pitter patter feet "needing" something from momma, etc.  THANK YOU, Sherman & Becky! Wish I were up to go on David's trip with him....fooey!  Maybe next time.

sweet sisters....although we've had some love/dislike/you're bugging me moments this week!

Remembering my sweet momma...  She's back home recovering from her back surgery.   She had a rough weekend with pain, but I just know it's going to get better! Mom, my sister, and I all teased tonight that we were going to fight over my new helper and that mom just needs to hop on a flight so we can go to physical therapy together!  We can do it, yes, we can!  Also, remembering my best friend, Kristina and Troy.  Yesterday, was the first anniversary of losing their sweet baby boy, Rex.  Oh, how I can't even imagine the pain, but am so thrilled their oldest child, Owen, is celebrating new life this weekend with his own baptism!    Love you all so much and I know HE will continue to bind up your wounds.

Well, I told you I that I couldn't wait to begin posting my celebration songs....SO, here's the first one.  The girls and I adore this song.  We've always called it the "Happy Song" (not really the title, but we named it that because....it just makes us happy!). Well, wouldn't ya know it....can't find it on-line! FYI..It's "Bless the Lord at All Times" songs from the Prestonwood Choir "God Is Here" cd.   I'll keep searching, but I'm headed to bed now...took "sleep aid" 3 hours ago.  SURELY, it's going to kick in soon???? Please-oh-please : ) : ) :)

I'll leave you with some more of my fave quotes from my Priscilla Shirer, Jonah study...it's so blessed me these past few weeks!
"But I will sacrifice to You with the voice of thanksgiving.  That which I have vowed I will pay.  Salvation is from the Lord,"  Jonah 2:9

"Whatever you are holding on to in this life hold it loosely so it won't hurt when the Lord has to pry your fingers open to take it away...Has the divine interruption the Lord has brought your way revealed some things that you are holding onto too tightly?  have you been hurting as He's sought to pry your fingers away from the comfort, ambition, goal, or even the sin that you can barely release?"    ouch...

""His goal is to revive so He can realign."

"The fish became the way to preserve Jonah for the future ministry God had for him."

"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the paths of everlastinng life." Ps. 139:23-24

"The interrupted life is the privileged, challenging, accountable, and significant life."

just being silly!!  I love my sweet girl : )

Some things I love about living here...flash back in time....

simplicity....and great fruit!

CPK update...

CPK is down to 1418!  That's down from 2340 last Monday!  We are very excited to see that number.  With the exception of a few spikes, it's steadily decreasing- a good thing!  Dr. Nathalie is hoping in 2-3 weeks it should be down to the "normal" range.  I'm pretty shocked at that number due to how crummy I'm  feeling this week.  Honestly, I REALLY thought it was going to be elevated... so PTL!  So, obviously I can't  correlate at this point in time my CPK and my physical pain/strength.

I also just finished with first round of physical therapy this afternoon.  Today was more of a consult to assess my strength and history.   It's been three months now of no exercise and my good doctor (as well as I) is concerned I am going to downward spiral with more weakness due to lack of any PT.  I'll go again on Thursday and aim for 2 sessions/week.  The PT said my muscles hadn't completely atrophied due to some of the strength I was able to show him (shocked!) so that was encouraging.  He did say I had a long road ahead of me, and that he couldn't do the exercises for me.  I told him I was HIGHLY MOTIVATED so need not fear!!!!  He said it takes little time to LOSE muscle mass, but lots of time to GAIN back muscle mass.

It's been a long day (apt. at 11:15 then she scheduled a 2:45 PT apt...grabbed a bite to eat and hung out with our friend, Julie, who lives near the clinic, then returned for PT).  MAYBE I should sleep well tonight?? Oh, that would be oh-so-lovely!

Side note...pray for Abigail.  When we got home she just started crying and said she was really missing her friends back home.  One of the very few times I've seen her so visibly shaken.  I know the mundane of this illness is causing great boredom, etc. for her (and all of us).  We still haven't received result of muscle biopsy from Bangkok. They said it would take several weeks though.  The bruising of the biopsy just looks horrific...looks like a got into a major fight with someone.  I didn't- promise!

Other praise updates:
*Friday, I tanked emotionally, but Saturday/Sunday He saw fit to give me 180 degree turn on that.  He knows how much I (we) can handle!

*Sweet friend, Maren, took the girls one afternoon for us last week.   The girls had loads of fun at the botanical park.  They roller skated and had mango juice...thank you!

*Jenny and Jill both brought delicious meals for us last week...thank you!

*Mom, Dad, Debra, Deborah, Kristina, Grace, Brantley, Cynthia, Diana and Tracey have been rounding up items from back home that David will bring back when he returns to state for his training in a few weeks.

*I actually got excited about the girls new history curriculum for next year. You KNOW that's a huge praise for me (hee hee!!).  Mystery of History seems like a pretty cool curriculum!

*Abigail says her praise is that daddy is going to bring back large amounts of chocolate from the states for her... AND school is almost done!

*Audrey An says her praise is that daddy is going to bring back her mermaid costume and princess crown for her!

*David is getting to clear his head when he gets to go fly! (and since we don't have enough "aviation" in his blood, he acquired a remote control helicopter over the weekend.  It looks  like a UFO in our dining area when all the lights are out in the apartment and the helicopter lights are on!)..  So glad our buddy, Gregg, and David are like two kids in a candy store when they play with their new toys together!

* I've got a great family...willing to go through the fire with me!

BOLD request

I have to be honest, I wasn't planning on posting this one on the world wide web.  I sent the following email to my family and couple of close friends earlier tonight.  The more I thought about it, the more I  felt prompted that is might encourage someone who is in throws of a struggle, too.   So...here ya go!

First, I want to praise that mom gets to go home from rehab today! She's almost two weeks post-op back surgery, and I hear she's been a star patient! I truly hope people will provide meals, help, encouragement for you and dad during this next transition.

Pray! This afternoon/evening has probably been one of my worsts.  My pain has increased. My lack of sleep is just making me delirious; therefore, I'm not coping mentally or physically well-which is obviously taking a toll on family.

Right now a battle in our minds is JUST as excruciating as the physical. I'm battling putting off the old and putting on the new, balancing being strong for girls but being completely real with them in showing them how mommy is trusting God and relying on Him for healing and strength.

So,  facts are (and trying to not let crazy emotions/lack of sleep take over)...
> God is in control.
> He will provide.
> He is faithful.
> I see slight improvements but seem to take two steps back each time I return from Bangkok.
> I need massive amounts of sleep (side effect of high doses of steroid and already self proclaimed insomniac)!!!!!
> This is testing us beyond anything we've ever seen.
> We still don't doubt we are suppose to be in this country.
> I'm thankful for my doctors.
> The girls are doing amazingly well despite circumstances, but I know they are feeling the stress in their own way.
> We are praying God's provision for helper/cook- difficulty finding english speaking helper and simply don't have energy to deal.
> God is silent at times, and we need to remain faithful.
> Asking/seeking His will.
> Thankful for prayer warriors.
> I'm nervous that CPK has increased (will find out on Monday)-I need not fear.
> Not understanding there's not remarkable improvement since IV treatment.
> Good things have happened through this.
> Expats have come to our rescue.

> His will is not always easy, and just because it's difficult at times doesn't mean you are not in His will.

>David is having to return back home in a few weeks for the training he missed due to my Bangkok hospitalization.

I'm asking for BOLD prayers for us. I KNOW He is faithful, and we ARE going to make it but we are weary. Please join us is expecting GREAT things and continued wisdom for doctors and acceptance of this disability.

Believing HE will answer!!

Christa : )

So to end with some of my favorite things that brought smiles to my face today...

Abigail...

Simple beauty...

Majestic creation...

supportive family...

compassionate daughters...

Audrey An...

You may have seen/heard this song floating around on the net the past few weeks.  I certainly have, but it wasn't until my sister sent me the link earlier this week that I played it and played it over again and really listened to the words.  Now, Abigail asks for it to be played.  It's one of her favorites.  Encouraging words through this song, "Blessings".
"What if your blessing come through raindrops?  What if your healing comes through tears?  What if your 1000 sleepless nights are what it takes to know Your near?  What if your trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?" 

 The "jist" of the song is...
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.  “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Is. 55:7-9

First follow-up since I'm back "here"

Mother's Day lunch with my favorite girls!  David and "my sweets" surprised me with handmade cards, homemade "Reeses" peanut butter cups, long stem red roses, lunch with friends, tarts and ice cream from our favorite french bakery, and wrapped up the day with a special family prayer time for all the special moms in our lives (including AA's birth mother, foster mother and foster grandmother, and all her caregivers prior to her being welcomed into our family!).  Thank you, David, Abigail and Audrey An for making my day a special one...LOVE YOU ALL SOOOOO MUCH!!  I even got to skype with my mom 1/2 across the world in HER hospital room....so good to talk/see her post back surgery!  YOU are going to make it, too, Mom!!!

Let's start with more good news!  I skyped with Angel Girl, Rachel, this morning and once again she totally blessed our family.  She shared with me pictures of a few of our friends back home.  She had them write handwritten notes to us on Mother's Day to encourage us and remind us of love and prayers back home.  What a lovely thought on her part, and, of course, I wept like a baby!!  I was needing a "pick me up" when I awoke this morning, and that did it.  Other blessings this weekend were that our sweet friends Kyle, Julie and Dejan took both girls swimming and out for pizza while David and I recuperated from our flight on Friday!  Gregg blessed us with cooking dinner for us on Saturday!  Friends and family helped gather some things we needed from home, and one of David's co-workers, Tim, was willing to bring them back here when he returned from the states.  THANKS to all of you...such "wonderfulness" and provision for all of us!

I had my first follow up appointment this morning with Dr. Nathalie since I returned from Bangkok.  I got my stitches out from both biopsies (I'll spare you the pictures...I reserved those for family only!).  Although it's difficult for me to see slight improvements, she did see some.  My rash is considerably better, my cuticles look better, my ear and headache have subsided, and she said I was walking/moving better (now that IS hard for me to see since I FEEL like I move and look like 100 year old woman!).

Now, the not so great news, but I'm not going to worry about it.  She ran my numbers again...my CPK has elevated to 2340 from the last test in Bangkok- bummer!  Although I don't really know why, I'm chalking it up to now I'm not on total bed rest like I was in the hospital, I've had a muscle biopsy, and I've had a hard day of travel since the last numbers were run.   Sounds reasonable, right?

So interesting that I've been in a personal study of the of Jonah over the past few weeks.  It has really been so thought provoking, very applicable, and timely.   Although I've not been literally swallowed up by a fish like Jonah, I've certainly been in the belly of a fish by God's provision.   I'll leave you with a few quotes from Priscilla Shirer (the author of this particular study)...

"What is God asking of you today?  Are you responding with willingness or by running for 'Joppa', looking for a boat to get away from God's will?  Don't head down.   Look up.  God's best for you is on the horizon."

"Thank God for the storm."

"A way to determine where our allegiance lies is to consider how we respond to a divine intervention.  Will we go with God even when we thought when He is calling us to our 'Nineveh', even if' Nineveh' goes against everything we thought we'd be doing?"

"Raising our voices in prayer matters less than engaging our hearts in the passionate pursuit of Him....purposeful prayer must engage our mind, will and emotion."

"Then God prepared a fish that would come by at just the right time to swallow him whole to keep him from drowning.  God's discipline was centered around the care of His beloved prophet."

"I called out of my distress to the Lord and He answered me.  I cried for help from the depth of Sheol; You heard my voice." Jonah 2:2

Oh, and there could be so more quotes....

Momma's weekend

We made it back "home" early Friday morning from Bangkok.  Yeah, it was reallllllly early, too. I'm so thankful that wheelchairs were available, my chest and ears didn't hurt in-flight, and I got through Customs with my pharmacy...and I got a hair cut and hi-light before I left Bangkok (my priorities are so in the right place!).  I was NOT going to get my hairs cut by the "tree guy" who David goes to "here"....just sayin'!  I haven't had a lot of  "oompf" in me to write in the last couple of days, but I thought I'd take a stab at it since it's late, and....I can't sleep, of course. 

Happy Mother's Day!

First, I'll give an update on my mom.  She's moved to an in-patient rehab hospital 4 days post back surgery.  Her pain seems seems to be somewhat diminishing although she's been hit by quite a few muscle spasms.  She's been up quite a bit prior to leaving the "regular" hospital.  I do hope and pray she'll begin to find relief soon.  It's been hard to not be "there" for her as I know it's just as hard for her not to be able to be "here" for me, too.  I know it was a hard decision to have the surgery, but I just know you're going to feel better soon!  I love you, mom.

The other "moms" I can't get out of my head this weekend are Audrey An's birth mother, of course, and her foster mother.  I'll never know her birth mother's name, never know her face- except only what I can imagine what she looks like when I gaze into Audrey An's deep, dark eyes.  I am- and will always be- forever grateful for her birth mother.  I have no idea what was racing through her head when she was pregnant, when she gave birth, when she first laid eyes on her, or what the circumstances were of her abandonment.  I can only pray for her, and that I (we all) will always do.  I thank God that she chose to give life to her (and my) precious girl.  I thank God that David, Abigail and I have the absolute privilege of calling her daughter and sister.  Now, you see I have a treasure.  I have a picture of Audrey An's foster mother and even her foster grandmother (and entire foster family).  I can put my eyes on photographs of the women who loved and cared for our little one until HE saw fit to bring her into our lives. I will NEVER forget the day I first heard Audrey An say to me a very special word.   It was the day we were leaving her province and riding in the taxi to the airport about to make the last leg of our China journey.   She was snuggled up in my lap and half asleep from the pure emotional exhaustion she must have been feeling.  She barely held up her head with very droopy eyes, and said it..."mommy".  Oh, I melted!  MIRACULOUS! I love all of you, too.

Leaving her province, her world, her everything familiar...

Well, there ya have it...I'm a mess.  It's the meds, it's the "momma's" weekend, it's the reality settling in that I'm not quite the mommy and wife I desire to be right now.  My feet are swollen like I'm 9 months pregnant or something, my body is ravaged with all kinds of medicines and riddled with muscle deterioration,  my sweet little girls keep asking when am I going to get better, and my husband has to pull me out of the chair due to no muscular strength, and...continue to help me shave my armpits...lovely.  Trust me, I'm most thankful for so much in my life right now...family, doctors, medicines, and most of all- Hope in the Great Physician.  I'm just being honest and I'm quite discouraged right now as I type.  David and I have had numerous talks these past few weeks about the verse, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Pr.16:9).  This is not exactly what we thought would transpire as we moved abroad, but we have to remember that HE did know.  There is purpose.  There is reason.  There must be acceptance on our part...which we are trying to come to terms with (maybe).  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD." (Is. 55:8)

Well, a few hours have passed since I actually drafted this post- maybe about 9 hours, some sleep, some reflections, some crying on my man's shoulder at midnight, some listening to praise music, and of course, a talking to Thee One.  I woke up in a bit better spirits.  Not exactly ready to conquer a new day, but ready pull up my boot straps (again) and try! Some verses that kept coming to my mind last night while I was in another ugly cry were ones that stated, "be still and know that I am God", 'be strong and courageous", "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him", "for the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones", the Lord is my Light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? He is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?", "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord", "the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  I WILL cling to these promises!  I will NOT let discouragement and the evil one slip in and tear me down. 

Specific requests for today:
*"Dwell on things above"---focus to remain on Him
*Physical STRENGTH and rebuilding of muscles
*Inflammation to continue to reduce to a normal range and stay there!
*Glimmers of hope and peace for my heart and mind...that I would see visible improvements
*Encouragement/protection for my entire family...rest of family to stay healthy
*Provision through a helper/cook

"This IS the day the Lord has made.  I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!"  Ps. 118:248

"I the Lord DO NOT CHANGE!"  Mal. 3:6

What's wrong with this picture : )

I'm blogging (and waiting to be discharged) while I'm staring at David and the girls hogging my hospital bed while I camp out on the sofa!  Wassup with that!?! I do believe it's about time to bolt from this hospital!   I had my last test (cancer screening test in my nose) this morning which came back clear!   Dr. S has discharged me, and now we're just waiting for them to load me up with all my meds. It's 3:30pm, and we've been waiting since this morning to get my packing papers.  We'll then head back to the hotel so I can recuperate a bit before catching our early morning flight back on Friday morning.  I'm so thankful for the treatment, tests, and care I've received here in Bangkok and for the future treatment plan Dr. S has already established for me back at "home".  Unfortunately, it's a plan that's going to take several months to over a year to reconcile, but at least I know I'm going to get better.  We still won't know the result of the muscle biopsy for several weeks, but no matter the result, my treatment plan will be basically the same to my understanding- maybe a little tweek here or there.   It's going to really take some getting used to for me to limit my exposure to sunshine and take it easy, but I must obey doctor's orders.  Honestly, I'm tearing up as I type.  Tears of joy.  Tears of sadness.  Tears of....well, I don't know- I'm female!  I'm hesitant in leaving the hospital because I've had 24 hour care and haven't had to think about a thing other than getting well. I must remember to take it easy and not push my body even when I feel the slightest better or it will just set me back.  It's hard to see my girls a bit downcast and droopy-eyed knowing their buddy, Rachel is now enroute back to the states.

Update on my mom:  She's still in a lot of pain.  They've changed her pain medicines and got her up 4times (!) today.  I'm so grateful my sister has been there to help relieve the shifts with dad.  I really tried to convince mom to fly out to Bangkok for her surgery...maybe they would have given us a "two for one" family discount (LOL!!).

Aunt Rachel introduced them to the sleeping mask : )

Every girl likes to watch a wedding...especially a Royal One!

Hanging out with my man in my cozy hospital bed. Thanks for supporting, encouraging, and praying for me! You've been very patient with all three of your girls (one big and two littles!).

Some cool sites they got to see...without me (boo!)

I was greeted each morning with a handmade get well letter from each of the girls...so sweet!

Donuts for dessert with Aunt Rachel....yummo!

Good news/somber day

My sweet momma made it through her back surgery this morning without complications.  She was in recovery for a little longer than normal due to the medical team trying to manage her pain level.  Thank you for those who remembered her in your prayers.  She'll remain in the hospital 3-4 more days. I have such hope that this surgery will help her walk again pain free.

My CPK is down to 1190 today!!!!  (and that's even after the muscle biopsy!  Dr. S had said he wouldn't be surprised if it was elevated after biopsy- not so!).   So, the 3 day IV steroid treatment definitely did its thing.  Other tests done today were a sonogram of my abdomen to rule out any masses (and compare to last month) and a bone density scan...all were "normal"- PTL!!!  I'm still waiting on the ENT to do the cancer screening test.  Looks like now he'll not be coming until the morning.  Dr. S is planning to discharge me on Wednesday.  So, I'm feeling a light at the end of the tunnel.  I'm feeling stronger today...just very sleepy due to all the medicines.  It's still going to take quite awhile to get my strength back and for my CPK to get back itno the normal range, but I'm getting there, and I'm MOST grateful!

On a more somber note,  seven years ago today my mother-in-law died unexpectedly.  So today is a difficult day for our family.  We've seen lots of changes in our family dynamics over these past 7 years...wow.  David and Deborah, I love you both and I can't imagine the roller coaster of emotions you both have experienced since your mom's death.  John, the same for you...I can't imagine loosing a spouse.  I know the pain is great.  God has been faithful to our family and HE will continue to guide all of us without a very special woman in our lives.    I'll never forget where/what we were doing when we got the call.  "The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit."  Ps. 34:18

Rachel will be leaving us tomorrow, and it will be a bitter sweet goodbye for my family- especially my two girlie girls.  They've inherited a lovely big sister- one that will ALWAYS have a special place in their (our!) hearts!  You have done just a fantastic job as filling in as mommy for me.  I cannot thank you enough!  Your heart is so pure and lovely.  Your willingness to rearrange your plans not only once but twice for us is truly touching.  We love you lots, "Aunt" Rachel, and we'll miss you.  You've been such a blessing to all four of us.  Come see us soon...when I can go, do, play and have fun with you!!!!

Camp Rachel!

Shopping!

view from the hospital room...

4 gals on 1 hospital bed...watching the Royal wedding!

view from the hotel balcony...

3 Amigas : )

Bangkok is beautiful at nite!

Biopsy (ies) completed

More prayers answered today!  They were able to do the muscle biopsy in my quad today and not wait until tomorrow.  The surgeon also took the sample from another part of my quad from where he originally marked on Saturday...another answer to prayer.  I had prayed even though "x marked the spot" the HE would move the spot to get the best sample...guess what!?!  The actual procedure took about 20 minutes and then 15 minutes to stitch me up.  Now, pray that the lab techs will correctly handle the sample.  At one point there were 8 nurses surrounding the foot of my bed.  I'm not sure if they came to see the "book" of all my results or they wanted to see the gal who really need a hair light....hee hee!

The result of the skin biopsy already came back and it was consistent with the Dermatomyositis diagnosis.  I met with the opthamologist again to figure out my right eye situation. She basically increased my glasses Rx, but isn't going to change my contacts Rx due to her feeling the muscle weakness that I'm having all over my body is affecting the comfort level of my contacts.  Tomorrow, I'll have a bone density test, sonogram of abdomen again, cancer screening from the ENT,  remember the doctor who flipped me upside down?!?), and start me back on oral steroids.

"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and HE shall strengthen your heart: Wait, I say, on the Lord!" Ps. 27:14

"Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above  all we ask or think, according to the power that works in us." Eph. 3:20

Please lift up my mom in your prayers today, too.  She's undergoing back surgery today (as in 7:30am central time zone) and will be in the hospital for at least 3-4 days herself! Requests: steady hand for surgeon, no complications, and a very speedy recovery so she can walk again without pain!

More waiting...

I continue to wait.  Wait and pray. Wait and see.  Wait to hear from doctors.  Wait to see if these meds are working.  Wait for the muscle biopsy.  Wait and be open to what my family is supposed to be learning in all of this.  Well, with the theme of my middle name "WAIT" I'm reminded of a a great song,  A song that helped through a difficult time during our adoption process of Audrey An.  If you followed our adoption blog, you might rememberthis post on April 9, 2009 (oops, it's not linking the exact link...just click on April 9, 2009 on the sidebar).  Again, this song, has such meaning to me in some many areas in my life.  As I've been alone in this hospital bed since last night when my handsome hubby left me after our "date"....which consisted of strolling through the hospital in my wheelchair,  getting a chocolate dipped cone from the "bowing" Ronald McDonald, snuggling in my hospital bed and of course, playing with the switches on the hand rails...how romantic is that!?!  It's now 12:30 pm on Sunday, and I'm waiting for my crew to get here-  oops...while I WAIT on the gang, Dr. S came in and he said he's still hoping to have the muscle biopsy for in the morning (instead of Tuesday...we'll see).  To answer my sister's questions..it will not be a needle biopsy.  They're taking a larger area....lovely.

Anyway, I hope this songs touches somebody- it sure does me.  The video is the context of waiting for a broken marriage to reconcile, but listen to the words and think of what you're waiting on- health, schooling, moving, broken relationships, job, service, spouse.  We are all waiting on something.  It's what we do in the wait that matters.   There are so many great lessons He wants to teach us in the wait.  So many great lessons we can teach our children.  Don't waste it. Although I can't do my normal things  such as serve, volunteer, play with the girls, He's stretching me to ramp it up and be faithful in the small things with my husband and girls. Two little girls are watching how mommy handles her waiting.  Do we wait and grumble or do we wait while praying and seeking His directions and accept the wait??

Off my soapbox now (well, for now!)...
Happy waiting...you're not alone : )

I LOVE this picture!  Precious Rachel helping my Abigail in her "wait".  priceless!!!