Momma's weekend

We made it back "home" early Friday morning from Bangkok.  Yeah, it was reallllllly early, too. I'm so thankful that wheelchairs were available, my chest and ears didn't hurt in-flight, and I got through Customs with my pharmacy...and I got a hair cut and hi-light before I left Bangkok (my priorities are so in the right place!).  I was NOT going to get my hairs cut by the "tree guy" who David goes to "here"....just sayin'!  I haven't had a lot of  "oompf" in me to write in the last couple of days, but I thought I'd take a stab at it since it's late, and....I can't sleep, of course. 

Happy Mother's Day!

First, I'll give an update on my mom.  She's moved to an in-patient rehab hospital 4 days post back surgery.  Her pain seems seems to be somewhat diminishing although she's been hit by quite a few muscle spasms.  She's been up quite a bit prior to leaving the "regular" hospital.  I do hope and pray she'll begin to find relief soon.  It's been hard to not be "there" for her as I know it's just as hard for her not to be able to be "here" for me, too.  I know it was a hard decision to have the surgery, but I just know you're going to feel better soon!  I love you, mom.

The other "moms" I can't get out of my head this weekend are Audrey An's birth mother, of course, and her foster mother.  I'll never know her birth mother's name, never know her face- except only what I can imagine what she looks like when I gaze into Audrey An's deep, dark eyes.  I am- and will always be- forever grateful for her birth mother.  I have no idea what was racing through her head when she was pregnant, when she gave birth, when she first laid eyes on her, or what the circumstances were of her abandonment.  I can only pray for her, and that I (we all) will always do.  I thank God that she chose to give life to her (and my) precious girl.  I thank God that David, Abigail and I have the absolute privilege of calling her daughter and sister.  Now, you see I have a treasure.  I have a picture of Audrey An's foster mother and even her foster grandmother (and entire foster family).  I can put my eyes on photographs of the women who loved and cared for our little one until HE saw fit to bring her into our lives. I will NEVER forget the day I first heard Audrey An say to me a very special word.   It was the day we were leaving her province and riding in the taxi to the airport about to make the last leg of our China journey.   She was snuggled up in my lap and half asleep from the pure emotional exhaustion she must have been feeling.  She barely held up her head with very droopy eyes, and said it..."mommy".  Oh, I melted!  MIRACULOUS! I love all of you, too.

Leaving her province, her world, her everything familiar...

Well, there ya have it...I'm a mess.  It's the meds, it's the "momma's" weekend, it's the reality settling in that I'm not quite the mommy and wife I desire to be right now.  My feet are swollen like I'm 9 months pregnant or something, my body is ravaged with all kinds of medicines and riddled with muscle deterioration,  my sweet little girls keep asking when am I going to get better, and my husband has to pull me out of the chair due to no muscular strength, and...continue to help me shave my armpits...lovely.  Trust me, I'm most thankful for so much in my life right now...family, doctors, medicines, and most of all- Hope in the Great Physician.  I'm just being honest and I'm quite discouraged right now as I type.  David and I have had numerous talks these past few weeks about the verse, "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Pr.16:9).  This is not exactly what we thought would transpire as we moved abroad, but we have to remember that HE did know.  There is purpose.  There is reason.  There must be acceptance on our part...which we are trying to come to terms with (maybe).  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD." (Is. 55:8)

Well, a few hours have passed since I actually drafted this post- maybe about 9 hours, some sleep, some reflections, some crying on my man's shoulder at midnight, some listening to praise music, and of course, a talking to Thee One.  I woke up in a bit better spirits.  Not exactly ready to conquer a new day, but ready pull up my boot straps (again) and try! Some verses that kept coming to my mind last night while I was in another ugly cry were ones that stated, "be still and know that I am God", 'be strong and courageous", "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him", "for the Lord loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones", the Lord is my Light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? He is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?", "wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord", "the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."  I WILL cling to these promises!  I will NOT let discouragement and the evil one slip in and tear me down. 

Specific requests for today:
*"Dwell on things above"---focus to remain on Him
*Physical STRENGTH and rebuilding of muscles
*Inflammation to continue to reduce to a normal range and stay there!
*Glimmers of hope and peace for my heart and mind...that I would see visible improvements
*Encouragement/protection for my entire family...rest of family to stay healthy
*Provision through a helper/cook

"This IS the day the Lord has made.  I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!"  Ps. 118:248

"I the Lord DO NOT CHANGE!"  Mal. 3:6