Li'l island get away....

Okay, so my prayers were answered from last post.  I was able to get out of dodge and see some SUNshine!  Although it wasn't exactly how I typically get to enjoy the sun and surf (tanning, swimming, boating, and splashing, etc.) I was thrilled to be on a get away with my family and have a change of scenery- and a beautiful change at that! Places like this- IS MY HAPPY PLACE!!! I was able to do lots of reading and resting...just what I needed.  It was a difficult day of travel so I was pretty wiped out when I got there and spent most of the day in the bed the next day while my peeps went exploring without me (sniff sniff!).  I have so much on my heart and mind right now, and I'll probably spill those beans in my next post.  For now, I'm choosing to reflect on my thankfulness of  my family and the opportunity to experience another new place in His Creation.  Enjoy the pics!

At the airport (and most public places)...You'd think we'd used to grabbing toilet paper BEFORE you enter, but after 15 months I still forget that minor detail at times (and have you know it's not often those actually have tp on those lovely little rolls as you enter!)

Ahhhhh, something to eat that's on the western side of life while waiting for our connecting flight (no ketchup or french fries...it's chili sauce and tater tots...it'll do though)!

Familiar sight...oh, and the way back to the airport the van pulled over for everyone to go p ray to big, fat, belly boy...if you know what I mean.  Let's just say, David was the only one didn't get out and got a few stares.  Thankful we know the Truth and the Truth has set us free! Heavy hearts for those who don't.

Let's just get there already because we've been up since o'dark thirty!!!!

Couldn't have this view back home- what a privilege!

Coming in for landing...glad they have good brakes!

My view all week out our front covered patio.

Our view out our back door.

The girls' happy place!

We had the beaches to ourselves...

The girls found a "surf board" to ride the waves.

Did I mention we had the beach to ourselves!?! (and for those who are already wondering-u know who you are (lol!!)-my front button had just come undone.  ALL my skin was covered up all week- promise!  I felt like granny, trust me.)

My hunky monkey!!!

 

After I gained some strength back we visited a prison on the island- just ruins now.

Okay, so it's been awhile since I posted our family SUV...and to think I complained in the States that my Jeep didn't have a third seat!  It's all perspective.

 

Sunrise on the isle...breathtaking. Ummmm, DAVID got up for this one!

 

no words...

If I had been in good health, I would have SO rented out that little boat (I call it a Moses boat)....Wouldn't that be fun to float around in all day!

"REJOICE in the L ord always and again I say rejoice!"

the good, the bad and the ugly...again

Have you ever just pitched a fit? Of course you have or you're just LYING! Well, this week I've pitched one (or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5!). This week has proven to be yet another challenging one for this momma bear. I truly wish I could say I was the kind of woman who could accept all things hard as a welcomed challenge in order to make me more like Him. Well, I'm not. I'm trying, but I'm just not not there yet! Oh, dear....will I EVER???? Just a warning...if you don't want an earful, then don't waste your time reading this. You know this is my therapy and the clock begins now!

Like my last post stated I've been in a bit of a “wrestling” mode. Let me just say I serve a very gracious God who knows just how much to the edge I can step. Last night/this morning He proved that to me again- and for that I'm most thankful.

David and I were able to have a date night while the girls were at a friend's house. I was bound and determined to not cry, to not complain, to not focus on my health, to not cry- oh, wait...I said that.  I was going to have a GRAND time with my man and enjoy our alone time. Well, guess what I did? Cry. I just can't help it. I must have been made with extra cry hormones- especially when it's rainy and dreary weather. If you're family or a close friend who knows me well or has read my blog over the past few years you'll recognize a cyclical pattern that comes every January or February- when it's cold and gloomy outside I have MAJOR gloom come upon me. It just does something to my psyche. David does have a way of calming me down though. Poor thing, I love him so much. You'd think he'd be used to those overactive emotional tears, but I'm sure he's not :-) When people ask me what I fell in love with David I always say that we could (can) talk for hours together. We love to talk “it” out...we can analyze something like nobody's business! All that to say, he knows when I get “like this” I need a date with him to talk, and bring it on like...yesterday!

My “fits” this week came again from pure frustration and bewilderment. I got some new medication from Bangkok, and I've not seen any improvement like the two times before when I was placed back on the steroid “pill” vs. the “effervescent” form of the steroid. UGHH! I canNOT figure that out. My muscles continue to weaken. I feel like I'm 90 years old with brittle arms and legs that can't stretch out at all. I'm to having to ask for help when dressing. I can't lift my legs in the bathtub. My hands continue to have this red and purple rash (which is obviously part of the disease), but now my knuckles have white splotches on them (at times...yes, I'm like a chameleon. These changes in coloring can come and go within minutes of each other- SO weird). It's so difficult for me to look into the mirror and see a physically different person than I was just one year ago. It's difficult to hear from my daughters that I look different. It's difficult to know (not hearing) that my husband knows I am different. It's difficult to hear from doctors, “The cold is affecting your health.” Or then I hear, “The sun is not good for the dermatomyositis.” SO....where am I suppose to live??? I guess in a UV protected bubble that's about 75 degrees? Okay, sounds good. Will insurance pay for that?!

Last night, as David and I prayed together I just lost it. Obviously, this doesn't take G od by surprise. He knows my heart. He knows the gunk that's in there (and there's a lot). He knows every bit of everything that I'm struggling with so why not just spill the beans? Well, I did, and it wasn't pretty. I told Him I was mad. I told him I didn't like what was happening to me or my family. I told Him that I couldn't believe we'd moved ½ way across the world and I wasn't getting to enjoy it like I had envisioned (how pathetic is that!?). I told Him I was tired of Him being silent. I told him there was a part of me who's scared that He was going to choose to not heal me. I told him a few other things that He can know (but you cannot!). Why do we sometimes try to hold it in with God? That's so completely ridiculous. He knows everything! I imagine it's quite refreshing for Him to finally hear from mouth what has been brewing in my heart for like...forever!?! No, this is not a new concept for me, but sometime one just needs to get back to the basics.

After all my ranting and raving, one thing I prayed for last night was to for Him to give me what I NEEDED. I am discouraged. I am weak. I am in need of this dark fog to lift (literally and figuratively!). I am in need of a glimmer of hope for healing. That's where His grace came in this morning. I woke up early (and when I can't sleep I check what time it is on my phone and occasionally check my email). I reread an email my mom sent me this week: “Wait on the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27:14) At first, I thought, “Uggh, no more waiting please!” then I drifted back to sleep and awoke a few hours later and my heart was encouraged. I can't exactly say I had a spring in my step, but I definitely didn't feel as burdened and pathetic as the night before.

So, this morning I sat on my sofa and had some good alone time to do some reading and praying.  I worked on my study of the book of James. One thing I read last week in it was, “With the study of book of James, you can either change or quit. Let's not quit.”  Trust me, there have been numerous times this week I've wanted to throw up my hands and quit, but I canNOT quit. It's truly not in me I don't think. That's another one of those things I got a little extra of- perfectionism. I KNOW that He doesn't quit on me, and I know that I cannot quit on Him.

Some other points brought out to me this morning Beth Moore's, James- Mercy Triumphs:

*“The one who looks intently into perfect law of freedom and perseveres in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but one who does good works- this person will be blessed in what he does.” James 1:25

*”James can teach us the difference between talking about living in victory and actually doing it.”

*”We can work a study until the desert turns to ice and still be stuck in the same bondage. The doing causes the changing. Not the hearing.”

*”It's not until the hearing turns into doing that believing leads to blessing. Our “doing” may not always show up in physical activity. The initial act of obedience might be waiting upon the Lord or setting our minds zealously upon His faithfulness.”

*”What...is God's ultimate redemptive purpose” for each of us? Romans 8:29! “To be conformed to the image of His Son.”

I hope to see something like THIS in my very near future or you might to read about another fit!  BRING ON THE SUNSHINE!!!!!

 On a lighter note, Audrey An learned to ride her bike this week..  We are SO proud of you!  I think some things are starting to click in that little mind of hers...tutoring going well, learning to ride a bike and learning to play the piano.  There's a lot of action firing off in that little brain of hers!

 And...she's off!

You know your family has...

lots of medical problems when your youngest daughter gets confused during her prayers...and I quote, "Dear God, please help Uncle Mark's back get better and help Nana's ear to get better.  OH! WAIT! I mean Uncle Mark's ear and Nana's back...or is it hip?"  Oh wow...bless her heart.  Yes, both of these family members have had surgery on those body parts recently, and we have been praying for healing for both of them, but she just got "misfused" (as she says confused).  Can you tell what category the bulk of our prayers fall into???

Speaking of "misfused"...I've been doing a lot of asking and discerning lately in order to NOT be misfused.    Honestly, I've been having a hard time , no...frustrated, at some passages I've been reading and studying this week.  I've identified this week a little too well with an OT passage which speaks of "wrestling with God" (that could be like at least a year long post!).  The NT passage I've spent some time on says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." (James 1:5).  Hmmm, well, I'm asking, but I'm not getting generously right now.  Why?  In the next 4 verses states a condition: "But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord.  Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do."  So...that's part two of why I'm a tad frustrated.  Seriously?  Am I doubting?  How could it be?  I've earnestly been asking in faith (wrestling) for complete healing and understanding.  I know His timing is not my timing but could "doubting" be my hang up?  Well, it definitely has made me stop and think.

I exchanged emails several times today with a sweet friend who's been such an encouragement (thank you, Nancy!), and I loved what she said.  "The thing baking in the oven right now could be "trust"-and it's not done cooking."  I know I may never see His purposes (but I might), and I can't even begin to count how many times I've said this year- "be still and know."  I guess HE's got a lot more molding and shaping of me to do!  His purposes are not fulfilled yet.  Enough of my rambling- just had to get some of that off my chest.  I'm sure it's not the end of my venting...lol!


Got some praises though!
1.  Through a series of events and people willing to help me I've got medicines coming to me in the next few days from Thailand and USA- yay!
2.  David's got a new position at work now that he's super excited about- yay, baby...SO proud of you!
3.  My super red/purple hands have almost cleared up this week due to a change in steroid- yay!
4.  I've got a husband who still listens to me talk out all these crazy thoughts I have in my head as we try to sift through all the decisions we are in the midst of making.
5.  Was able to take Abigail to the doctor today, and she got meds for her upper respiratory infection...hopefully, she'll be on the mend very soon.

My request that we've been ASKING for lately:
1.  Wisdom whether to continue traditional chinese medicine (I've currently been told to take a break from it this week in order for my western and eastern meds to "balance" out) or begin a new treatment (one that we know there's been success in the states, but most doctors here are resistant.  My Bangkok doctor is willing to try it though). The "new" treatment is obviously not a guarantee to my healing either.

Nancy sent this song to me today...great words: "You Steady My Heart".

SO Blessed!

Since we've started our skype relationship with AA's foster family we hadn't met foster daddy (Baba) and foster grandmother (Nai Nai)...until yesterday!  Baba (David) meets Baba (foster daddy)!!!  Standing in the background watching that unfold was WILD.  I had this presupposition of Baba's personality based on one photograph we have of him- serious and stern.  That's not at all what he was like on this skype call.  He couldn't have been more warm and excited to see AA and meet all of us.  He was beaming...so precious!  He was taking pictures of us on the screen with his phone just like we were taking pictures of them. Funny to think that they were probably showing the neighbors our pictures!  I know I keep saying this in previous post, but I'm just so stinkin' thankful for technology and for the prompt I had on Gotcha Day to ask for an email address. 

Then we get to see foster brother again.  Isn't he so cute?  He and AA just grinned and grinned at each other! He was a bit more outgoing this time, and they said, "ni hao" (hello) to each other.  It's really the first time I've heard her respond to someone in chinese.  Our translator program was NOT working on our end.  It just about killed me!  They could read the messages I typed to them, but we couldn't read a thing they were messaging to us.  uggh!!!!  we must get that figured out, because it's just unreal to be able to "talk" to them.

Ask and you shall receive!  I asked if we could see Nai Nai (grandmother).  Well, about 3 minutes later she appeared!   This beautiful woman in the center of this picture is Nai Nai.  When we first received AA would yell out "Nai Nai" at night time, and I didn't know what she wanted.  When our translator told us what it meant it just made feel relieved.  Relieved that this woman obviously gave her comfort...thank you, Nai Nai.  Oh, how comforted I was when I realized what "Nai Nai" meant while in China!  

Pretty surreal that we now have a picture of foster mama, baba, nai nai, mei mei (little sister Audrey An), and two jie jie's (big sister Abigail and foster sister) all on one screen!  If you haven't figured out by now, our family talks about China, foster family, birth family, orphanage- what we do know and what we don't know about all the above.  This is such a wonderful advantage of adopting an older child.  We have SOMETHING of her past plus she's willing to talk to us about it all.  WOW...we are so grateful!   It's so special to be able to have a connection to this family.  We've always said she was very well loved and taken cared of while in China because AA is so loving.  Her foster family is so kind and so anxious to see/talk with all of us.  

We had such fun showing each pictures via skype.  This picture of the three of was one we sent THEM in a care package to AA pre-adoption.  They were showing us that they have still have the photo book I made for them (I made one for AA and I made one for the foster family to keep).  They printed off the pictures I've emailed to them.  The other cool thing was about this call was they were able to skype form their home this time.  They've always had to call from an internet cafe, but not this time so we got to see her actual bedroom and the family dog!  I just about lost it with excitement!!!!  She was so excited about it all, too.  Again, SO blessed to have this connection and be able to email/skype when we want.  It's so interesting that the past few times AA has told me she misses her foster family and has that longing to see them we'll get an email from her foster sister wanting to skype!

"This is the day the Lord has made.  Let us REJOICE and be glad in it!"

PINKalicious party!

Audrey An's bday was last month, but since it's so close to Christmas we had her party today.  Yesterday, the girls and I made AA's birthday cupcakes for today's party. The girls LOVE to bake so they were counting the minutes to hear, "Ok, girls...let's do this!"

and be the challenged chef that I am...I somehow found a way to mess up cupcakes!  I emailed my bff last night and told her I would either be super freak mom who can't even make cupcakes OR I'd be super cool mom who made the biggest and bestest cupcakes EVER!!!   Then I emailed Dr. Nathalie and told her I thought my cupcakes got a hold of my steroid bottle...lol!!!  Oh well, I don't think the pinkalicious girls minded at all.

Happy Birthday, Audrey An!  Before we finished up decorating this afternoon, AA yelled to me from downstairs, "Mommy, this is like a dream come true!"   awwwwwww.....

everyone decorated their own cupcake

big sis got in on the action!

HOW could you be seven already!?

Super daddy even gives pink manicures!

I realized last night that this would be AA's first friend birthday party!  It's her third birthday with us, but when she turned 5 we had a surprise family party, and when she turned 6 we had just moved her and didn't know a soul!  She was over the top excited about having a party since she'd not ever had one before.

DRAMA queen!?!  She actually was just throwing the balloon and I caught her at just the right moment!

reading AA's favorite book to a very captive audience

hey, these are pretty good!

Real men wear pink, and a great daddy wears pink at the request of his daughter for a PINKALICOUS party!

Thanks to pinterest (my latest obsession), I found a cute idea to play balloon ping pong (or as Abigail renamed it, PINK pong!).  Since I couldn't find tongue depressors to tape on the back of the paper plates, we used chopsticks, of course!

We all wore pink in honor of the birthday girl.

Family Medical Updates...

This week was a bit of a backslide for me physically.  I went back to the national hospital on Monday to see Dr. Wise plus the director of internal medicine and back to Dr. Nathalie on Wednesday. I would be lying of I said this week's "hospital" appointment (not Dr. Nathalie) went smoothly.  As you know, "Dr. C' (who first introduced me to the traditional medicine) has moved out of the country.  She graciously arranged someone to go with me in order to translate prior to her departure.  So this was my third time to go with my new friend.  I was a tad frustrated this time.  I felt as though my head was a ping pong ball going back and forth watching and listening to them discuss me and I didn't have a clue what was being said.  Although I don't understand all the ins and outs of how they diagnose physical problems based on feeling my pulse, I have to say Dr. Wise has been accurate each week.  He even said Monday morning, "You are weaker this week." He could tell (although I didn't feel it until Monday NIGHT) a change in my strength.  bizarro. That's all I can say and keeping telling myself, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your OWN understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths." 

I ran out of the steroid that's from Bangkok last Saturday and by Monday night I could tell a distinct difference in my physical strength with the other brand of steroid (same dosage but different brand, and different delivery system as well).  At first, I couldn't imagine why I was feeling worse, but then when I realized there was a switch in brands again I knew for sure what was happening.  Thereotically, the two steroids are the "same", but this is the third time I've run out of the Bangkok and had to switch back to the other steroid and start to go downhill. That cannot be coincidence!  So, I began to search for anyone who would be traveling there and could bring me back the medication that I do well on.  David comes home one nite this week and told me that one of our acquaintances we know was on his flight, and guess where he was going this week????  Yes, you guessed correctly. So, I am praying that he can locate my medication and bring it back safely to me next week and I'll begin to see improved physical strength again!

I hadn't had my CPK tested since November 1 (which is was 1400), but this week it came in at 885.   So, I'm still higher than the "normal" range, but it's coming down (and it definitely is better than my 8000 back last spring!).  All my other tests were good.   I've been on the traditional chinese meds for 6 weeks now.   My hands are worse (red/purple), but other than that I would say I'm better.  I can't explain it, but based strictly on anecdotal evidence, I'm stronger and my ear problems have diminished...yay!

I couldn't resist...I had to show what the typical hospital room looks like.

Abigail update: continues to fight off a cold/cough.
Mom update:  fighting a sinus infection and continued pain in hips and hoping/praying for no more surgery
Dad:  hurting from 3 month ear problem/sinus problem
Mark (my brother-n-law): very scary medical emergency this week.  He developed a horrible ear infection out of the blue almost two weeks ago now.  It progressively got worse even after doctor purposefully perforated his eardrum and administered IV antibiotics.  He had to have surgery two nights ago.  He's home now, but we're praying that his hearing loss in that ear will be reversed!

I think my family should open our own wing of a hospital...maybe we'd get a family discount???
I'm REALLY ready to be well, and I'm really ready to know what my family's future holds.  I'm weary and I'm in need of a spiritual boost.  HE is faithful...that doesn't change and I'm so thankful for that. I started a new study this morning in the book of James plus that's what we're studying on Sundays as well.  Umm, I'm thinkin' the Lord has something just for me, ya know.  I'm looking forward to what He reveals to me!

Okay, enough of our medical sage...off to enjoy "Elf" with the family.
nite nite...
(or morning morning to my family!)

Art Attack

Ok, just found this in my drafts!  It's just about 1 1/2 yrs old, but I decided to publish it anyway (bc I finally discovered how to backdate posts!).  Sweet memories of the girls' private art class.

Last week the girls had art class one-on-one with their teacher due to the absence of the other two sisters.  The following is the process they learned: resistant wax.

The girls have really enjoyed their art class this school year, and our entire family has been so thrilled to have had this talented lady in our lives!  I think she likes us as well, as she's says she gives us "special treatment"...stays a little longer with our class than others ;-)  She's really worked well with Abigail.  She's pushed her harder and has encouraged her talents.  She says she's a "professional"...

Step 1:  The girls drew a favorite object in oil pastels.

Step 2: They completely painted over it...couldn't even see their drawing!

Step 3: Covered their drawing with another plain sheet of a paper and ironed it.

Step 4:  Peek-a-boo...peeling back the paper to see if it worked!

Step 5:  Tada!!!! 

The final products!

Mooy Rocks!

Breakfast in bed with my sweets!

Okay, today has been one of THE laziest days!  I can't believe I'm saying this, but it's been super cold here...rainy and cold.  The girls and I decided to "house up" for the day since we needed to wait around on a repairman to come fix a water leak (again) and Abs has had a cold the past few days.  The four of us were hoping to fly south for one of our friend's wedding, but David was the only one of us who ended up going.  I'm super bummed we all didn't get to go.

The heater downstairs barely warms anything so we cranked up my bedroom heater, and we have literally been in my bed ALL day!  So this is what our agenda consisted of today...working on school, playing spades, watching girlie movies, painting toenails, and running downstairs long enough to get food (well, non-food!).  Our lunch consisted of popcorn and Fanta.  Aren't a the cool mom!?!?  Mooy ROCKS!  You might be wondering who Mooy is (pronounced "Moo ee").  It's my new name today.  Audrey An wrote our names on the scoreboard for spades and instead of writing Mommy she wrote "Mooy"; therefore, junkfood lunch and hangin' with mom all day in an all cozied-up bed = MOOY ROCKS!!! (the girls say)!!!

Post manicure and between
"non-food" lunch and whatever "non-food" that I'm serving for dinner tonight.  You know, I wouldn't want to spoil our fun day with something healthy to eat!!!

Two little artists working on their interpretation of Van Gogh's, "Starry Night".

Ok, so don't think this is weird, but I truly think AA could be a foot model.  Are those not the most beautiful and delicate little feet! 

Great day of makin' memories.  I love my girls!

p.s.  Finally got 2 of the 3 videos posted on the previous post if you didn't get to see them.  I've not been able to figure out my "operator error" of the video of my playing piano with the monk...bummer!